Saturday, March 28, 2009

People come and go away ..the whys and hows?

. Saturday, March 28, 2009

A lot of people come into your life and some of them go away sooner or later.

whatever be the reasons- betrayal, bored, dispute, sacrifice, anger, hurt or hatred -this was the end of your relationship.
Surely if you've had a lot of girlfriends, you must have a decent list of 'Ex's.. many of them came and went away. Some of which you were the guilty one and for some it was them.

~Same for friends, we made some friends as they were 'cool' or was attracted or shared some beliefs/ideas. but then with time, they are not so cool or not so attractive (reason: bored!). we got busy in our own life and they got separated.
~Some friends will probably betray your trust. but you should give them one chance to ammend at least.
~Dispute happens, and people might say anything in anger. You will get hurt and maybe hate that person, but you must not take it negatively. Give at least one chance to that person.

Though some will not give you a chance, but we all have to move on right? Change is the only constant in life..

Speaking of change, Changing also means evolving/progressing.. if you do not evolve in life, you will become boring and people will be fed up with you. Your life will become routine and a routine life cannot make progress. Needless to say, if you are not successful, people will leave you.

How to change yourself?
Oh no need to do a complete makeover! change in terms of progress. bring positive things into your life. change your routine. signup for some courses. adopt a new habit. try new sports. change your dressing style, hair style.

Why am i writing on this topic?
Well, i just had a fight with someone and i sat back to think a bit of my past. I think there has been a significant number of people that came and went away from my life.
Personally for me, i got betrayed a few times in life of which one was a severe betrayal from my owns. though i cannot forgive this one, it did come as a blessing in disguise.
I even betrayed a few people but was quick to realise my mistake and consequently appologized. but the scar is still there. i hope time heals these wounds.
I also got involved in disputes with friends. Even though our point of view of that topic still differs, i did offer that friend to truce. but i think the person is not mature enough to be back to normal or still too indulged behind their selfish motive. i think the dispute is like the nail in the fence story below. and maybe they were there just for a reason (see a reason, a season or lifetime below) and that is now over.

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person..

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
  • They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support,
  • To aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
  • They may seem like a godsend and they are.
  • They are there for the reason you need them to be.
  • Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
  • This person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
  • Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
  • Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
  • What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done.
  • The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
  • They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
  • They may teach you something you have never done.
  • They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
  • Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons

Things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson,
  • Love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
  • It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Thank you for being a part of my life,
Whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.
The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.
Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.
The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence He said, 'You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one.
You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say 'I'm sorry', the wound is still there.
A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one. Friends are very rare jewels, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share words of praise and they always want to open their hearts to us.'

YOU ARE MY FRIEND AND I AM HONORED! Please forgive me if I have ever left a hole.

Some useful lines to describe True friendship:

1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you..

2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.

3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.

6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.

7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

8. Don't waste your time on a man / woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.

9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.

10. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened

11. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.

12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.

13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.

(The above quotes are from email chain letters)

How to deal with yourself when people go away?
~Let Go of Approval Addiction.. Stop putting yourself down. Take note of how you talk to yourself, and, about yourself. Do you say negative things about yourself, esp in front of others? Do you apologize too much for things that are not your fault? Listen to your inner and outer voice and take steps to change your behavior. Be more forgiving of you and stop letting others know that you do not value yourself. It may be hard to break the habit at first, but with time, positive will become a habit too.

~ End "negative" thinking patterns, such as "I feel so unattractive" or "I feel useless" or "there must be some problem with me". Make a pact with yourself that there will be no negative thoughts for today. Take this step one day at a time. Whenever a negative thought creeps into your head say the word "STOP!" and immediately say something positive like "I feel beautiful today." Or, "I am actually happy how i am" Even if this feels foolish in the beginning, no one need know that you are doing this but you. And when you say positive things to yourself, even if you do not believe them at first, little by little they will take hold in your subconscious. Think of the power you have in taking control of your subconscious mind. You can rid yourself of negative thought patterns. That is powerful.

~ Focus on seeing yourself as a confident person. Tell yourself that this is "their" perception only. This is not a real reflection of who you are and what you value. Practice feeling comfortable telling other people that you like your life as it is. Talk about your accomplishments instead and focus the attention away from what they think you "don’t" have, onto something that you are proud of instead.

Happy moments, praise God.
Difficult moments, seek God.
Quiet moments, worship God
Painful moments, trust God
Every moment, thank God

How significant is the number of people that went away from you? Do you feel guilty about it ? how do you deal with this separation?


Anonymous said...

The 80/20 friendship rule of thumb. According to, a friend is a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard. The 80/20 friendship rule of thumb says listening 80% of the time and responding 20% of the time will make you a good friend.

Kurt Avish said...

Wow Yudish. Wonderful post that make us think. Wel there are times too when a friend just go away without an y explanation...maybe a misunderstanding somewhere...I think also that talking and expressing oneself is the best to avoid such misunderstanding.

There is a friend...we were best friend since primary school..but I wonder what happened ... since he went to UK he seem to no more know or even contact.

Scars... yes they nevr really go away.

Yudz said...

@Anonymous: Its true that if you can lend a good ear to your friend, the friendship will be a good one..

@Kurt Avish: I agree with you, but not everyone is sensible enough to express themselves.

Shashi said...

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will.

You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time.

You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.

You'll fight with your best friend.

You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.

You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love.

So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

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